Can't or Won't?

{16/04/2009}   Drabble
As if it could have  been any different. As if the facts could be changed. As if life was in our hands for us to do with it what we please. As if we were masters of our fates.
We hold on to perchance, to maybe. We straddle the line between hope and despair and hold on with all our strenght. And we will not be shaken off, we will not be moved. For if that line is our last chance, then it is also our life line, and none of us can exist without it. And altough others may try to break us we will stand here, because  one day the problem might answer itself and it will be different, the facts will change and we will be masters of our fates.

{17/06/2008}   ADEUS!!!!!
Já gastámos as palavras pela rua, meu amor,
e o que ficou não chega
para afastar o frio de quatro paredes.
Gastámos tudo menos o silêncio.
Gastámos os olhos com o sal das lágrimas,
gastámos as mãos à força de as apertarmos,
gastámos o relógio e as pedras das esquinas
em esperas inúteis.
Meto as mãos nas algibeiras e não encontro nada.
Antigamente tinhamos tanto para dar um ao outro;
era como se todas as coisas fossem minhas:
quanto mais te dava mais tinha para te dar.
Às vezes tu dizias: os teus olhos são peixes verdes.
E eu acreditava,
porque ao teu lado
todas as coisas eram possíveis.
Mas isso era no tempo dos segredos,
era no tempo em que o teu corpo era um aquário,
era no tempo em que meus olhos
eram  realmente peixes verdes.
Hoje são apenas os meus olhos.
É pouco, mas é verdade,
uns olhos como todos os outros.
Já gastámos as palavras.
Quando agora digo: meu amor,
já não se passa absolutamente nada.
É no entanto, antes das palavras gastas,
tenho a certeza
de que todas as coisas estremeciam
só de murmurar o teu nome
no silêncio do meu coração.
Não temos já nada para dar.
Dentro de ti
não há nada que me peça água.
O passado é inútil como um trapo.
E já te disse: as palavras estão gastas.
Eugénio de Andrade

{28/12/2007}   The Silent Scream
It was a monster. Riping my flesh, eating me from inside out. It was full of rage and resentment. It shone a happy blue and cried tears of red. It had talons that dripped with poisonous dreams of pink, reminiscents of other times. It trashed and roared and yet no sound was heard. And outside nothing was noticed and silence clung to my throat. 

"Maybe I’m doing this because words are indestructible. Maybe it’s because it’s final and once it’s there I can’t take it back. I can’t change my mind. I need to make it permanent."

6th April, 2007

Tonight was one of those nights, lacking in meaning in present but surely something i’ll cherish in the future.

I haven’t been feeling good, maybe it’s the time of the moon, maybe it’s that he’s back in my life, i don’t know. But tonight i looked at myself in the mirror, and i looked hard. Trying to find something, anything…special, different…i didn’t. But as i stood there looking at myself, holding back tears that wanted to spill down my face, there came a thought. Almost nothing at first, an idea begging to take form, unspeakable: I’m going to die alone.

I don’t say it for pity, or for someone to say it isn’t so. It just came to me like an undeniable truth. My tears fell down. I can’t deny it anymore, i know it’s the truth. And through the mist of my tears i saw myself for who i really am: an average girl. I’m not ugly (i won’t say that), but i’m not pretty also…i’m average. I’m not skinny nor am i fat…i’m average. I don’t know anything about culture, though i read a lot of books. I try hard, so hard to be strong, but i’m one of the most fragile people i know.

And it’s true, i am going to die alone. My friends all leave me, sooner or later. No guys ever fell in love with me, though i can’t blame them because i’ve never fallen either. My family loves me, but i always get the feeling they don’t know who i really am, and they don’t want to.

As the thought ran through my head my bones went cold and it hasn’t stopped since. Because i can’t take it. I can’t die alone. I’m tired of always being the one who holds people, never being held myself. I don’t want to die alone and i can’t give in my mask of strenght for then what would i have? Besides it just wouldn’t be me.

So i ask of you, what should i do? I  can’t change who i am (unbelievable or not i like who i am right now, and it took me a long time to acomplish that) and i can’t stand the way things are.

Am i to die alone or is there something i can do against it? And even if there is, should i do it? Maybe dying alone is what i deserve, maybe i was never meant to last this long (i’ve almost died 3 times), and that’s why i feel i don’t quite belong here, maybe that’s why i have this feeling.

I don’t have any real close friends anymore, and i don’t believe that "the Lord will save me", specially ’cause i don’t really believe in him. So what can i do?

What can i do to stop from falling into the abysm?

"Good morning day
Sorry I’m not there
But all my favorite friends
Vanished… in the air
It’s hard to fly when you can’t even run
Once I had the world, but now I’ve got no one

If I needed someone to control me
If I need someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I…
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I…Drown…Drown

Good morning day
Sorry you’re not here
But all those times before
Were never this unclear
It’s hard to walk when you can’t even crawl
Once I had this world, but now I’ve lost it all

If I needed someone to control me
If I need someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I…
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I…

(Drown)… Rolling faster then I’m breathing
(Drown)… Rolling faster then I’m breathing (2X)

If I needed someone to control me
If I need someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I…
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I… "

Nenhuma destas músicas tem a ver com a minha vida, mas são lindas, daquelas músicas que te tocam a alma.
Behind The Wall
Last night I heard the screaming
Loud vioces behind the wall
Another sleepless night for me
It won’t do good to call
The police
Always come late
If they came at all

And when they arrive
They say they can’t interfere
With domestic affairs
Between a man and his wife
And as they walk out the door
The tears well up in her eyes

Last night I heard the screaming
Then a silence that chilled my soul
I prayed that I was dreaming
When I saw the ambulance in the road

And the policeman said
I’m here to keep the peace

Will the crowd disperse
I think we all could use some sleep

Baby Can I Hold You

Is all that you can’t say
Years gone and still
Words don’t come easily
Like sorry like sorry

Forgive me
Is all that you can’t say
Years gone and still
Words don’t come easily
Like forgive me forgive me

But you can say baby
Baby can I hold you tonight
Maybe if I told you the right words
At the right time you’d be mine

I love you
Is all that you can’t say
Years gone by and still
Words don’t come easily
Like I love you I love you

{31/03/2006}   EU SOU MARROM!!!LOL
Mas um dakeles testes tão retardados k xegam a ser giros.
"You’re brown, a credible, stable color that’s reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you’re a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you’re probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you’re constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it’s by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart. "

{25/03/2006}   rs

What’s your love story?? Did it for fun, i love this kind of tests!

Romantic Rescue is your primary love story!

The love story that grips you, Romantic Rescue, uses love to give better meaning and significance to your life. Love, in your story, is all-powerful. It is the catalyst to change yourself, help your partner become the person you want them to be, and show the world what you are made of. Some people put themselves in the role of hero in this love story — nursing an ailing partner back to health, saving him from a string of previously destructive relationships, maybe even saving him from a physical danger. Other people with whom you share this story cast themselves as those in need of rescue – relying on their partners to swoop in and save them from whatever ill-fate’s been visited upon them, either real or imagined.

In your love story, actions speak almost louder than words. The more present you are to your partner, or he to you, the stronger and faster your bond can develop. The image of one partner as caregiver and the other as recipient of that care, sets up an immediate give-and-take relationship, one that makes your union seem all the more magical.

It also sets up one of the parties as a savior. Though perhaps not as epic as seen in the characters in novels or films, this is significant nonetheless. In Hemingway’s tragic love story, "Farewell to Arms," an injured soldier is nurtured back to health and into a blissful romance by a kindly nurse. Not long after, she’s the one at death’s door. In "Run Lola Run," a woman has twenty minutes to come up with a large amount of money to save her boyfriend’s life. How far she goes to obtain it is a measure of her devotion or delusion.

If someone is willing to care for a loved one in times of adversity, they’ve already demonstrated a strong level of commitment, as well as proof that they can carry you through the tough times. They have also inspired in you a confidence that you will not only be willing to, but looking to switch roles when the need arises. There is a distinct comfort in this.

So how exactly did you get here? Many people who share this story with you have experienced some loss in their life. Did you help take care of family members when you were young? Did you need more attention and care than your parents were able to provide? You tend to repeat your childhood roles in your adult relationships, whether you’re aware of it or not. Someone who was a caregiver early in life, may continue to be so in romantic relationships. A person who needed more attention from parents, may automatically provide others with the care they wished they had received.

Being needed is a basic human desire. Being able to depend on one another is what gives relationships meaning, so it’s no wonder that this love story is so powerful. Evidence of your archetypal story is all around you — in history, books, and movies. In the classic fairytale "Beauty in the Beast," a woman brings out the softer side of a grumpy monster. She sees beyond his gruff exterior and gains his love in return. In "Breaking the Waves," Emily Watson plays a woman who makes the ultimate sacrifice to have her husband. He comes to regard her as a saint. Your story is being told and retold because it resonates with so many people.

Uma musica k ja significou mt pra mim, em momentos bem down. Hj em dia continua falando directamente pra mim, mas ja faz parte do passado, graças as minhas amigas MARAVILHOSAS!!!


"I never thought I’d die alone
I laughed the loudest who’d’ve known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn’t think enough
I’m too depressed to go on
You’ll be sorry when i’m gone

I never conquered rarely came
Sixteen just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn’t wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we’d survived
I couldn’t wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I’d die alone
Another six months I’ll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You’ll never step foot in my room again
You’ll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault


(2nd chorus)
I never conquered rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can’t wait to get outside
The world is wide- the time goes by
The tour is over, I’ve survived
I can’t wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone "

{15/03/2006}   Simple Plan – Perfect
Sabe quando você sente como se tudo que te faz feliz é exactamente o que decepciona os seus pais? E tudo que você quer é que eles te ouçam e parem de te julgar, pra vc pode tentar fazer as coisas da sua maneira… 
Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I’m wasting my time doing things i wanna do?
‘But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I’m never gonna be good enough for you
I can’t pretend that
I’m alright
And you can’t change me

‘Cuz we lost it all
Nothing last forever
I’m sorry
I can’t be perfect
Now it’s too late and
And we can’t go back
I’m sorry
I can’t be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don’t care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I’m never gonna be good enough for you
can’t stand another fight
And nothing’s alright


Nothing’s gonna change the that you said
Nothing’s gonna make this right again
Please don’t turn your back
I can’t believe it’s hard
Just to talk to you
‘Cuz you don’t understand

et cetera